Anxiety Rooted in Fear of Failure Among Children of Asian Canadian Immigrants
When anxiety grows out of responsibility
For many children of East Asian Canadian immigrants, fear of failure does not come from a lack of ability or confidence. It grows out of responsibility. From a young age, you learn that success isn’t a solo project. It feels shared. Your grades, your career, and your stability are often implicitly tied to your family’s survival narrative.
When you succeed, it justifies the sacrifices your parents made to build a life in a new country. Achievements feel tied to family pride, sacrifice, and survival in a new country. When you stumble, it feels like you are dishonouring that sacrifice.
Anxiety can thus develop quietly. Even when someone is capable, hardworking, and outwardly successful, there may be a constant internal pressure to get things right. Failure does not feel like a learning experience. It feels like letting others down. This kind of anxiety often follows people into adulthood, shaping how they approach school, work, relationships, and self-worth.
How fear of failure develops in immigrant family contexts
Many Asian Canadian parents immigrated under difficult circumstances. They may have faced language barriers, discrimination or racism, financial instability, or professional setbacks. For many families, education and career success became symbols of security and proof that the sacrifices were worth it.
Children pick up on this vibe early. You learn that doing well is a form of caretaking. It is how you protect your family. Over time, your nervous system wires "achievement" to "safety" and "mistakes" to "danger." This creates an internal belief that failure threatens belonging, respect, or safety. Even as adults, long after these pressures are necessary, the anxiety remains.
What this anxiety looks like in daily life
Anxiety rooted in fear of failure among children of Asian Canadian immigrants often shows up as constant self-monitoring. People may overprepare, avoid risks, or struggle to start tasks unless they feel fully capable of succeeding.
This isn’t just about panic attacks. It’s the constant, low-level hum of self-monitoring.
It’s over-preparing for a meeting you are already ready for.
It’s the inability to truly rest because sitting still feels "lazy" or "ungrateful."
It’s the tightness in your chest or the headaches that show up when work gets busy.
The tricky part is that success doesn’t cure this anxiety. When you hit a goal, you don’t feel relief; you just feel the pressure shift to the next goal. You might look motivated to the outside world, but inside, you are running on fear.
There may be a strong fear of being exposed as inadequate, even when evidence suggests otherwise. Success brings temporary relief, but not ease. The pressure simply shifts to the next expectation.
Why reassurance does not resolve the fear
Friends, partners, or colleagues may offer reassurance by pointing out accomplishments or reminding someone that mistakes are normal. While comforting in the moment, this rarely changes the anxiety in a lasting way.
For many, fear of failure is not logical but rather it is learned through lived experience. The nervous system has learned that success equals safety and that mistakes carry emotional consequences, even if no one is explicitly punishing them now. This is why people can fully understand that failure is survivable and still feel intense anxiety when it happens.
The role of guilt, gratitude, and loyalty
Fear of failure is often deeply intertwined with guilt. Many children of immigrants feel a strong sense of gratitude toward their parents. They may know about sacrifices made in leaving home countries, working long hours, or giving up professional dreams. Wanting to slow down, change direction, or accept imperfection can feel selfish in this context. Even imagining parental disappointment can trigger shame.
This creates a painful emotional bind. People feel trapped between honouring their parents and caring for themselves. Anxiety persists not because parents are demanding, but because loyalty has become internalised.
How fear of failure affects identity and self-worth
Over time, fear of failure often becomes linked to identity. Self-worth may depend on achievement, productivity, or external validation. When things go well, there is relief. When something goes wrong, there is harsh self-criticism. This creates a fragile sense of confidence that requires constant maintenance. Rest can feel undeserved. Saying no can feel irresponsible. Anxiety becomes a way of staying alert and avoiding emotional threat.
Many people do not recognize how much energy this takes until burnout or emotional numbness sets in.
How therapy can help
Therapy offers a space to explore fear of failure without minimizing family history or cultural values. A culturally sensitive therapist understands that this anxiety developed for understandable reasons within an immigrant context. In therapy, individuals can begin to unpack how responsibility, gratitude, and expectation shaped their relationship with success. This includes working with internalised beliefs about worth and learning to recognise nervous system responses that no longer reflect present-day reality.
The goal isn't to stop caring or to lower your standards. It’s to reach a place where your worth isn’t on the line every single day. It is possible to love your family and respect their sacrifice without carrying the weight of it on your shoulders forever.
Learning to relate differently to failure
One of the most important shifts in therapy is learning that failure does not equal harm. This does not happen through positive thinking alone. It happens gradually, as emotional safety increases and the body learns that mistakes are survivable. As fear softens, anxiety often becomes more manageable. People find they can take risks, rest, and make choices based on values rather than fear. Success begins to feel meaningful rather than compulsory.
When to consider therapy
Therapy may be helpful if fear of failure feels constant, exhausting, or tied to identity and family expectations. It can be especially useful for children of Asian Canadian immigrants who feel caught between gratitude for their parents’ sacrifices and the cost of carrying pressure alone.
Seeking support is not a rejection of family values. It is often a way of honouring them while also protecting emotional health.
About Chiharu Yanagawa
I am Chiharu Yanagawa, a counsellor based in Vancouver, providing therapy to adult clients across all age groups. My work often explores how culture, family expectations, and intergenerational experiences shape anxiety, identity, and life decisions.
This piece was written to name a form of anxiety that is often invisible, misunderstood, or praised rather than recognized as distress. Among many children of Asian Canadian immigrants, fear of failure is not rooted in personal weakness or a lack of resilience. It grows out of responsibility, loyalty, and love.
In immigrant families, achievement is frequently tied to survival, sacrifice, and collective well-being. For people raised in this context, success can become a way of protecting family dignity, repaying sacrifice, and maintaining emotional safety. Over time, this can wire anxiety deeply into one’s nervous system, even when external pressure has softened or life circumstances have changed.
This article does not seek to blame parents or dismiss cultural values. Instead, it aims to honour the complexity of immigrant family dynamics while giving language to the emotional cost that often goes unspoken. Many individuals who struggle with fear of failure are capable, conscientious, and deeply caring people. Their anxiety deserves understanding, not minimization.
My hope is that readers who see themselves in these experiences feel less alone, and that therapists, educators, and loved ones gain a clearer lens for understanding how fear of failure can be shaped by culture, history, and intergenerational responsibility. Naming this experience is often the first step toward loosening its grip.